I will readily admit I am cautious. Why jump into the deep end of the pool, when you can ease yourself in down the stairs and into the shallow end? It is much easier on the body and you can go at your own pace. This is not how adoption works. There is only one end of the pool and it is deep. So we said a prayer and jumped in. Feet first, eyes closed. We just jumped not knowing what was going to happen. I still don’t know what is going to happen, but I believe with all my heart that God will join us with a little girl. He has picked her out. He knows her name. We haven’t seen her, at least not with our two eyes, but we see her through God’s eyes. I see her most clearly when my three boys pray that she won't feel lonely or sad.
It is such a blessing to be a dad. A couple of days ago Eli came up to me and asked, “What time is it?” I told him the time. He then asked again with a grin on his face, “Are you sure it is not tickle time?” You know what my first response was? It was “No”. I then turned around, picked him up and said, “YES. Why yes it is tickle time.” Between the no and yes it hit me that he is here and I am here so why not tickle. And boy did he get a tickling.
I can’t tickle my little girl. Not yet. I want to hug her, hold her hand, teach her how to skip. I can’t whisper I love you in her ear, but I am going to anyways.
There are so many things I want to tell you; about how much your brothers love you and they don’t even know it, how your mom lights up every time she talks about you, how you got your name... For now, I will begin and end with this thought.
I love you with all of my heart. And there will never be another man in your life who will love you as much as I do.
I don’t ever want you to forget that your worth and value and beauty come from God and God alone… and that is the most liberating reality you will ever experience.
Lean into God and you will grow into what He wants you to be. Love Him and you will bloom.
I love you, Lulah. I will leap over oceans for you...soon.